Tag Archives: life

The Phone Call

Unless a loved one is expecting a baby, the phone call you get at 6:45 a.m. is never a good one. 

Last year, around this time, beginning my winter vacation, I got the call that I was losing my bio brother whom I had only recently met. The loss came as a shock. After the funeral I met my bio nieces for the first time ever. They read my book about searching for my birth family. One asked me about my ex husband. The one who was so very troubled with an addiction that made life unbearable for both of us. Is he still alive?, she asked. Yes, I answered. The question surprised me. So did my answer. How had he survived this long?

This year, same vacation. Same place. Different phone call. My daughter, at 6:45 a.m. tells me her dad passed. He is in a better place, she said. I just happened to be visiting my son at the time. I was the one to tell him his dad passed away. 

While married to this man I was constantly planning a funeral. Every time he didn’t come home I pictured him dead in a car accident. I wondered who I should call. What I would do. But he kept going. I’d lose sleep while he was passed out. But he survived.  

Even after the divorce I still worried. Even though it’s not my job to worry. I do. I worry for my kids. But I have to also realize that he is in a better place. To be an addict is to live a life of pain. I always wished I could fix it for him. I can’t. 

People ask if I would have changed anything in my life. Yes.  Many things. But at this time I must stop to appreciate that he was the reason I have my beautiful children. 

Rest In Peace, T.J. 

The Other “Woman”

I truly believe that my marriage has lasted this long and is better today because of Karen. I have never been able to read a map. Thanks to Karen, I don’t have to.

In the “old days”, my husband and I would have argued with each other about the best route to take. Now, relieved to be totally out of the loop, I can sit back and listen to him argue with Karen, our GPS voice. “She’s crazy, ” he said when she told him the route she planned to get him to the airport. “Isn’t this set for fastest time? This isn’t the fastest way. I’m turning left,” my husband yelled to the box. That’ll teach her, I thought to myself.

When he doesn’t follow her directions Karen doesn’t get all pissy or start a fight. She doesn’t threaten to cut off sex with him until he offers a sincere apology. I realized I can learn a lot from her. Karen goes with the flow. When my husband turns left instead of right our GPS merely says “recalculating, recalculating”. And she will repeat this over and over again, without raising her voice or giving attitude, until she figures out a new route. One that is undoubtedly better than the one she had originally planned. And even if the trip takes an extra ten minutes, she never says “I told you so.”

I’ve learned a lot from my GPS. I’ve learned sometimes it’s best to opt out of an argument and say “Yes dear. I love you!”